It's been a productive weekend… I made some unexpected strides over the course of the bootcamp. Following the trend, these breakthroughs haven't been in the mechanics of my outer game, but more so with regards to my inner game, subcommunications and deeper nuances.
Style: I further chiseled my personal style of game, and am pretty close to realizing what's going to work for me. I started out Saturday night with the idea of using the style mentioned in my previous post. That is, more steadfast and rapport based but with sexual intent (similar to what Mr. M uses). It was too low energy at the beginning, but as the night wore on, I fell more into the groove of where it should be. It helps to visualize the times where I've hit this groove, and to visualize what I've seen of Mr. M in set, as it's a model of what I'm going for. I guess the thing to realize is to not go too low energy (bad), and not into a ball of high-energy (i.e. Future, 5.0, Big Business), but a place where the energy is contained in my subcommunications.
Approaching: I picked up a couple mindsets that really helped getting into state (a.k.a. a state of Indifference). The first was Braddock's idea that he views the entire bar/club as his playground, and all the girls in there are just shiny toys. It has the mindset of "ooo, let's go play with that one.. oh, not so fun? Okay.. let's go play with that one." This really helped perpetuate the idea of not taking things too seriously. I've been trying to find a way to hammer this idea into my head, and I think this is it. Every time when I would go into a club and take things too seriously (i.e. I need to improve, this is important, I must get better), opening each girl becomes a monumental task of importance… something it shouldn't be. I really believe this is why it's been so difficult to start off my nights over the last few weeks… I've placed too much importance on the entire thing, taken things too seriously, and as a result, each set becomes almost a "task" that needs to be completed.
And thus, even if I do have a badass method of getting into state (see my Dichotomy of State Control article), the mental energy it takes to open those 5 sets, and to get to a state of Indifference, becomes extremely challenging. Taking on the idea that the bar/club is my playground primes the first 5 sets, as well as all the other sets of the night, and makes the entire approaching thing less serious, less scary, and less of a chore/task.
The second part I noticed from treating the bar/club like a playground was that I began taking on the mentality of "not caring." I would open sets casually in a laid-back manner, something that would match my style, and thus not throw myself into an initial, nervous, high-energy state. It was the idea of "meh, she's cute, why the fuck not… 'hey, you're absolutely fuckin' georgous, I'm Andrew.'" It's the conception that I'm not placing a lot of importance on the set, and that I don't really care too much how it goes. This in essence is replicating the same subcommunications of an abundance mentality.
This is a stark change from my previous mindset of "okay, there's a pretty girl, this is important… let's do everything right, apply all the theory properly, and not fuck it up." And thus, while there might not have been "approach anxiety," the set itself became something of a task/chore, and something that I felt more inclined to put off. In other words, the mental energy required to go up and open the set increased exponentially. It's similar to when I had to study for an exam back in college… I knew I had to study, I wasn't "scared" or studying, nor was there any "anxiety," but, because it was such a chore/task, there was a lot of inclination to keep putting it off… even if the exam was the next day. The mental energy required to get myself to go and actually start studying was big.
Continuing on this parallel, what is usually took for me to sit down and start studying was for the ticking clock to reach it's absolute breaking point. That is, I would really start studying at the point where I knew if I put it off anymore, that I just wouldn't have enough time to internalize all the material. That's what it took… the task/chore of studying required so much mental energy to begin doing that it took the threat of time pressure to finally overcome.
The same thing can be seen in my game over the past few weeks. While I didn't necessarily have approach anxiety, the mental energy required to open what I have compartmentalized as the "task/chore" of opening was very high. As a result, when given some leverage (i.e. Cajun wanting to see my cold approach, M pointing out a set, me telling a student I'm going to go open a set I point out etc…), I would go open no problem. However, when I was out by myself or with friends, without the additional leverage, I wouldn't gather the mental energy to go take the effort to open. This, coupled with my theory of the State Clock, would unnecessarily throw me into a state of Introversion.
This is starting to make sense. Another time that I would open regularly was when I took my visit back home and was walking around the venue with a friend, and passed a set, and just went "hey, fuck it, (open)." In those instances, it was a mixture of me wanting to show off a friend (emotional leverage), and my momentarily taking on the idea that I didn't care (though the underlining subtext was still the idea that the set was important, hence I would come in as a ball of energy).
So that's it, the reason why I've been having trouble opening consistently recently is because I've been treating each set too seriously, and the entire getting better thing too seriously. As a result, I'd turned the idea of opening a girl into a serious, important task, and as with all other tasks/chores, it became something that required a fair bit of mental energy to do. It wasn't approach anxiety at all, it was something completely different! The solution? Change the mindset (taking on the playground mindset + the "I don't really care" mentality) to change how the idea of opening a set is compartmentalized in my head.
This is cool, I think I'm going to write an article on this… I think it'll be particularly for the intermediate/advanced guys who are pursuing pick-up seriously. It provides an understanding of why even guys that are pretty good can get into a mode where it becomes difficult to open (and not because of anxiety).
Confidence: I also learned that I need to take confidence in my training and what I learned. A lot of the nervousness I get now when I'm in set comes from my second guessing myself and the knowledge I have in my head. I need to start being comfortable with the idea that I know what to do, that I'm the shit, and that I can just be comfortable and confident in set. It would be like when I was interviewing for jobs. In the interviews where I went in confident in my abilities, everything I had learned would fall nicely into place. However, in the interviews where I would second-guess my knowledge and abilities, I would find myself stumbling over simple shit that I really did know. If I go in, confident in my abilities, confident in what I know, and thus confident of the fact that I can have a good time with the girl I'm talking too, the nervousness and the second-guessing (and all the symptoms that come along with second-guessing) will go away. It'll be like the times where I've got into an interview completely confident in myself, or the debate rounds I've gone into where I'm confident in my abilities. I'm at a stage where I can start taking actual confidence in my abilities and what I do, without it being self-deceit.
There really is no reason for self doubt. I have nothing but Grade A knowledge in my head, and I've done everything right at some point… there's no reason to doubt.
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Yes, there are still a number of mechanical outer game issues to work on (aren't there always?). I get the funny feeling though that when all these inner game issues are sorted (when I hone in on my style, start opening consistently again, and take confidence in my knowledge/abilities), that my game will rocket ship to the next level.
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